ABER’S EROTIC INDUSTRY WILL CONTINUE DESPITE PORN BAN

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Pre-fame Taron Egerton as “The Jackman” in Stu Hamptons banned film “The Aberystocrats” (Credit Google)

A RESTRICTION ON INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY, whereby only those over 18 will be able to view it is coming into action across the UK soon. Users will be required to sign-in to an age verification system that many in Aberystwyth see as extremely problematic and intrusive.

While the introduction of age verification seems plausible on the surface, in practice it is predicted to drive users to the Deep Web or VPN services to bypass it or protect their privacy, exposing them to illegal content they would not have accessed before. It has been compared to anti-drug and alcohol laws, which has lead people to find more dangerous ways around the law.

The verification system will also collect a database of an individual’s personal porn tastes, which could be targeted by hackers.

The good news is that local Councillors have confirmed that the so called “porn-ban” will not affect the Aberystwyth related pornography genre when viewed within the confines of the town. This is a welcome boon for Aberystwyth’s vibrant porn industry which has been the hidden backbone of its economy for almost a century, producing such classics as –

⦁ Malcom Pryce’s Have a Quick Fist Mon Amour
⦁ The Aberystwyth Arse Centre
⦁ The Cock Tower: Why Nut?

Indeed, Aberystwyth’s pornography tradition began in 1921, coinciding with the electrification of the Aberystwyth Cliff Railway. The 20 minute silent film, “Prostitution Hill: the Electric Clit Railway” wowed audiences across the globe.

Councillors have explained that the reason for lifting the ban on films made in or related to Aberystwyth, as long they are viewed in the Aberystwyth area, is in accordance with a tradition established by former Mayor Sue Jones-Davies who lifted a ban on the film Life of Brian allowing the town to be reconciled with ‘blasphemers’ Michael Palin and Terry Jones.

Sue Jones-Davies performed full frontal nudity in the film as Brian’s girlfriend Judith Iscariot but smut loving Aberystwyth had no objection to those scenes and instead demanded that it be banned from Aberystwyth due to a belief that it openly mocked the Christian community.  

Councillors have confirmed that Aberystwyth related works that were already banned due to existing legislation or political reasons prior to April 1st or the date of the final ban, will remain banned.

The complete works of Plaid Cymru (no pun intended) including Indecent, starring Ben Lake and featuring Brian Williams and Talat Chaudhri along with it’s sequel by Simon Thomas, 2 Indecent by Far, remain classed as unlawful. Stu Hampton’s The Lemon Mong starring XXX Jack also remains banned due to its scatalogical obscenity along with his other well known work, The Aberystocrats, which stars a pre-fame Taron Egerton as the Jackman. Finally, Keith Braziels shelved tale of voyeurism on the promenade, Peer Pressure Party, will not be reprieved by the new measures and is still deemed unfit for public consumption.   

Despite these abhorrent failures of judgment, many think it fortunate that Aberystwyth has such an open and accepting stance on pornography, producing the following acclaimed works during the last year alone:

⦁ Animalarium Farm
⦁ Bar 69
⦁ Charles Bronson’s Cumming to Aber
⦁ The Fat Anal Library of Wales
⦁ Mark Darwin Does Dyfed
⦁ The Pendinas Penis
⦁ The Philiamusica Whorechestra
⦁ Uni-perversity of Wails: Balls of Residence
⦁ Eating Out: Where There’s Poon

The Aberystwyth Times assures readers it will continue to champion Aberystwyth’s rich porn culture in the future.

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